There is no wonder the world is such a cruel place. I believe we are all born with lots of natural compassion for all living creatures, but most of it is numbed down from a very early age, so we are going through life without realising the actual consequences of our own lifestyle! And the worst part is — it is done by our adult role models! Well, at least that’s what happened to me...
Like most of us, since early childhood, I was drawn to nature.
In the early years, I could spend the whole summer day outside exploring all the fauna and flora you would find in the meadow. Flowers, butterflies, ladybugs, worms and really — all the insects that had some colour — I could look at them forever! It felt good, just being there. Every morning I would walk the same route in the meadows around our block of flats, trying not to step on any flower or a living creature — careful not to hurt them.
I was around 4 or 5 years old, playing outside when my stepdad put an earthworm in front of me, placed a sharp rock in my hand and said — ‘cut this warm In half.’
I was perplexed… I couldn’t understand this. Why would he want me to hurt the earthworm? It might not be the best looking, but it still is a living creature! I refused, but he kept insisting, and I felt as I had no choice. He was my stepdad. After all, I must do what I’m told.
The feelings I had were hardly explainable — it was a shake of pure sadness, fear, pressure, confusion — all multiplied a thousand. I looked at the earthworm, slightly moving around, and my hand went numb. I couldn’t do it; I didn’t want to hurt this creature. I wanted to cry. But my stepdads voice started getting louder and somewhat annoyed — ‘Just do it! Quick! Trust me!’
I took a deep breath while holding my tears back, and since the ‘encouragement’ was turning into shouting, I hit the warm with the sharp edge splitting the poor creature in half. I couldn’t process what just happened, all those terrible emotions I experienced.
‘See — Now you have 2!’ he laughed as if he just showed me a card trick. ‘Don’t worry — you did a good thing! Warms don’t feel pain, and there will be two of them now instead of 1!’
Deep down, I knew it’s not the truth — just looking at the creature that was moving so calmly a few seconds ago and now two parts of it twisting and turning like crazy. I knew it was in pain and probably panicking. But if my stepdad, who I look up to, says, it's a good thing… It must be the right thing to do then!
For the rest of the summer, my quest was to look for earthworms and split them all in half.
‘It is a common misconception that if you cut a worm in half, it makes two new worms. Although they can regenerate to a small degree, usually both halves die.’ (-The RSPB)
That same summer, I was playing at my grandparents' house when I heard terrible screaming. But it wasn't a human scream. It was coming from a neighbours house. ‘Let’s go for a walk’, said grandpa…
As we got out of the house, I could smell something weird, something I never smelled before.
The air was weighty, and I felt like crying, not knowing why. It seemed that just the smell itself was making me very uneasy and sad.
My grandpas’ leg was weak, so we walked very slowly down the street, away from the house where the screams continued. I tried to look back to catch a glimpse of what was going on there, but my grandpa strictly told me not to look.
‘What is this sound? and smell?’ I asked grandpa.
— ‘It’s nothing dear, don’t worry’, He smiled and said- ‘Do you want some ice cream? Let’s go to that shop around the corner!’
I knew something wrong is happening and that this was a distraction. I gave him my ‘I don’t buy this’ look.
‘You’re so young and so smart already!’ he returned the weirdest smile I have ever seen from him.
Then he explained that the neighbours were slaughtering a pig because that's how we get meat we eat. -‘Now go get your ice cream’.
On the way back, the street was quiet. The air was still heavy, and that smell was still there. The smell of death. It stayed in the street for the rest of the day.
I saw the friendly neighbours handling a dead body in a pool of blood just outside their own house.
It was very difficult for me to understand how those nice people I say ‘Hello’ to every time I’m visiting grandpa are capable of doing such a thing. I was deeply shocked! But grandpa said that this is ok. This is how it is meant to be. I came home confused and upset.
I didn’t want to eat meat anymore, but all the family members were so determined to convince me that it is ok. ‘Look, we all eat it! It’s very good for you! If you don’t — you will stop growing and will get ill! So don’t be stupid! You need to eat meat every day to be smart and healthy!’
Later on, I found out my grandpa used to own a meat shop. I loved him and looked up to him when I was a child, so I refused to believe that he could do a wrong thing in his life.
So if my grandpa is saying this is how the world supposed to be and every other adult I looked up to seconds it — it must be true then!
My stepdad loves fishing. I remember him bringing fish home all the time. Most of the time, they were still alive. He would just leave them in the kitchen sink or bathtub to die.
I would watch the poor creatures gasping for ear, eyes popping out, and their life slowly fading away... I always knew it's not right.
It was just so normalised in our family, and nothing was ever questioned — I was even convinced that fish don’t feel pain! That its’ purpose was to become dinner.
Whenever she found me in the kitchen, my mom would chase me out as she couldn’t even look at them dying herself — she didn’t want me to be watching their slow death.
It was very weird for me; even when I was a young teenager, I wouldn’t understand how no one can look at the dying fish, but they are ok with them being fished out, left to die and then cook it for dinner! And once more — convincing me that if I don’t eat fish — I will be ill.
“Fish do feel pain. It’s likely different from what humans feel, but it is still a kind of pain.” (-Penn State University biologist Victoria Braithwaite)
It’s enough to have a few of these childhood experiences where our role models normalise killing to start not paying too much attention to it. I believed that this is the way we are meant to live. Also, I always liked the taste of meat and fish, so for a very long time, I was not only a meat-eater but also I was killing every insect and bug around me for no reason, just like most of the adults around me did.
It's funny how we surrender our purest intuition to fit in and be ‘normal’. I’ve silenced mine for approval from my family. They were always the people I looked up to when I was a child! I even used to go fishing just to spend time with my stepdad. He never forced me. I just really wanted to hang out with him. I hated fishing.
We always make sacrifices throughout our lives, and our priorities set the decisions we make. Most children will copy their parents not only to learn but also to gain their approval or be more like them.
I believe we are all born with lots of natural compassion for all living creatures, but it is numbed down from a very early age. Same as my parents and grandparents were numbed down by their own parents and grandparents.
When I realised all of this, I felt disappointed!
Disappointed in people who has all the facts just in front of their eyes, understand the harm they are doing and still choose to live the way that is the most comfortable for them, no matter how many lives are at cost. I was one of them, robbed of my own natural sense of compassion for years… I understand that when these things are brought to one's attention, it is not easy to start making changes if you are told you are stupid for whatever you are doing by nearly every person around you…
So I have vowed to myself that If I ever have kids — I will do everything in my power to close this circle and make sure they know that no one has the right to take another life—no matter whose life it is — human, animal or earthworm.
What this world need is compassion towards every life. And not surprisingly at all — the only way to make things better is to STOP KILLING.
If we understand that — we might have a chance of breaking this cycle that is not only destroying the planet but also is destroying our best qualities as Humans.
